Why DHM Can Eat A Bag Of Dick.

I hate Donnelly Hospitality Management.

#1. They try to trick you into thinking that they are something special. Like a sports bar, or your local neighborhood watering hole, or the precurser pub to your night at the Roxy, or whatever. When in reality they are all the same boring barf, smothered with flatscreen tv's, and filled with bridge and tunnel douchery.

#2. They have numbers instead of nametags. Really? Is it so that you don't stalk the server? Because on first name alone I'm not sure if you'd recognize her by her slutty facebook profile pic.

#3. If Glowbal and Donnelly got married and made a baby it would be a rapist. A rapist baby with bottle service.

Burrata Update.

Because of wine and lighting, I've never been able to get a good photo of the Burrata from Nook. I finally do and my technological ineptitude prevents me from getting the fucker right-side-up. I gave up because this edible treasure is my favorite thing on the face of the earth, so tilt your head sideways and imagine how amazing your life will be once you've tried it.

This is the American vs. Italian variation. I think that I remember the American one being creamier.

Khunnai Chang Madame Elephant Thai Cuisine

My parents and friends were in town and were keen to try some authentic Thai grub, so my requirements were that it had to be in the neighborhood and it had to accomidate a party of 6. This knocked out Thai Basil, Thai Away Home, and Urban Thai Bistro, my preferred Thai go-to places, simply because of size and location. My friend and amazing hairstylist Justine reccomended Madame Elephant and it fit us perfectly.

Being on Denman near Robson it was within walking distance, it was cozy, the service was adorable, and best of all it surpassed all my expectations in the taste department.

Yellow Curry with Chicken in Coconut Milk.

The Pad Thai.

Stir Fried Crispy Pork with Broccoli.

Stir Fried Prawns with Onion, Chili and Green Pepper.

It looks Authentic right?

Ps. Classic terrible deco made it all the more amazing.

Meat & Bread: A Man-Made Sandwich Shop.

Pointing out that I am blatantly bias, enjoy my skewed opinion!
Jumping right into all the things I hate about this place:

I hate that the space is designed way cooler than my appartment. Kudos to Craig Stanghetta and the team for pulling off a man-cave feel without it being harsh and bat-cave like. There are so many great details but my favorites include the punching bag (for obvious reasons), the terrible taxidermy, and the herringbone walnut bartop.

I hate that it's so conveniently located across the street from my gym at Cambie and Hastings, kiddy-corner to Victory Square Park.  The level of sexy Man-Meat in Gastown just skyrocketed with the arrival of Mr. Jarvie and Mr. Harrington.

I hate that this isn't a sandwich you can find anywhere else. Fuck cold cuts. Fuck deli meats. Fuck re-heated bacon. Fuck toasted subs. And Fuck You subway secret sauce. The talents of Chef Joe Sartor are evident as the insightful and full flavors follow-through with the the man-made theme. Those hands know how handle a big-ol' hunk'a meat in it's journey from freshly butchered-to the carving station-to a mouth near you.

I hate to admit that porchetta beats bacon. One can argue that bacon beats all, but porchetta is pork belly wrapped around loin with herbs, slow-cooked to deliciousness. Crackling is the new crack-cocaine.

I hate that even vegetarians can enjoy the Meat & Bread experience. With the grilled cheese sammich and daily soup and solid salad options (heck yes chickpea + onion + ovenroasted tomato) herbivors don't have to feel like the social outcasts they are. Vegans; you're fucked.
I hate the entire hearty experience, everything from the design to the details to the delivery.  I predict that boys are gonna flock for their fill of Man-Meat and girls are gonna clammor for their view of Man-Candy.



Ps. The good-quality photos I have pilfered from pkmedia.ca

Pho Central

Pho Central easily makes my top-ten list of locations frequented in my neighbourhood, and even though the banh mi was an epic fail, it hasn't deterred my loyalty. Especially since the rainy season is imminent, I predict many upcoming steamy noodle-slurping moments.

Everything that I know about Pho I have learned from my friends:

Trevy taught me about asking for the meat on the side, especially if you like it on the rare side, that way you get to put it in at your own pace (careful you don't wait too long and the boiling broth turns to luke-warm piss water that won't cook the meat at all).

Jordan showed me the hoisin sauce on your spoon trick, that way your broth doesn't get all hoisin-y.

 Mattchew introduced me to the house-made chili oil (prior to this I was all about the cock sauce in my attempts to increase my spice tolerance).

This little place on Davie between Thurlow and Bute is small, drafty, and generally dingy, but the service is lovely and I always leave feeling warmed to soul. Pho Central perfectly slides into the "dives" category.

Streetmeat: Cartel Tacos!

I am beyond stoked to finally be able to partake in some quality streetmeat from the mobile food vendor program. Located on the corner of Georgia and Burrard, the Korean tacos from Cartel are everything I could have hoped for. The two options, beef and pork (I had one of each), are marinated in whatever combination of  spices and sauces that is delicious. If you don't already know about it, the smell of the sizzling meat will draw you close. The soft 2-ply corn tacos are topped with either the beef or pork, then the onions and kimchi, for a combination of tastes that is close-your-eyes awesome. My only complaint is that there isn't anywhere to sit and enjoy your fare, unlike a hot-dog, a taco is a little harder to shove down your gullet while walking down the street.

Being a frequenter of La Taqueria 3+ times a week, Cartel is a worthy contender for Top Taco. 

Blah Blah More Brasserie

You know, just in case you've missed my blathering obsession with La Brasserie.

The Suckling Pig.

The Friday Boulliabase.

 

 Jody's heavenly Mushroom Ragout over Spaetzle

Screamers!

Slurpee + Soft-Serve Icecream = Screamer.

My newest favorite thing on Davie.

You can get them from Baguette Time (between Bute and Jervis), just don't get their baguettes. Gourmet Sandwhiches MY ASS.

La Bretagne Creperie

What makes a place special? Amazing food? A great first impression? A collection of nostalgic memories of hung-over mornings?

There's this unpretentious little crepe place at Robson and Jervis (don't confuse this with the horrendous Cafe Crepe franchise), that for whatever reason or combination of the right moments, is a place that I have come to love. It's called La Bretagne Creperie and it serves both sweet and savory crepes which range from $6-11. With a cup of tea on the patio, the sun shining, and adorable french accents within earshot, it's a great place to enjoy the last days of summer. This Creperie may not be perfect but I will forgive them for almost anything, including forgettful service. You can't really blame them, it's not their fault they're French.

Jody's Ham and Swiss Cheese. We were both dissipointed with the lunch meat ham, but the crepes are this lovely paper thin texture.

Being a creature of habit, my usual is the #3 Breakfast Special: Scrambled Eggs, Ratatouille, and Swiss Cheese; for a whopping $8.50 it also comes with tea or coffee.

Nook Update

Pre-Birthday dinner at Nook with my favorite Wrangers introduced me to something that changed my life. The Burrata. Apparently it's provolone injected with cream, on top of prosciutto, on top of a soft toasted piece of bread. Basically it's insanely delicious and literally after the three of us polished off one we didn't hesitate to order a second.

I know it's a shitty photo, but as if I'm gonna pull out a flash. Anyways you'll just have to imagine how pretty this melt-in-your-mouth this orgasmic experience was.

The Prosciutto and Buffallo Mozarella.

Apparently I have an affinity towards cured meats and cheeses.

Nook has become my favorite go-to place as of late, it just has this romantic and charming atmosphere that slowly seduces you, bite by bite.

Kintaro Ramen

This is where I explain how much of a retard I am. 

I had several people rave to me about the Kintaro Ramen Noodle Shop, and being a noodle lover I was stoked on trying it out. I even made several failed attempts before successfully hitting it up for lunch recently. 

 

This was  the spicy ginger special. I didn't try it, but the massive dollop of garlic on top was legit.

This is the "Kintaro's Best!!" Miso Ramen with the lean pork and medium broth. I was like, "Are you sure this is what Ramen tastes like??" As it rattled my preconceived notions of Mr. Noodle that my mother used to buy by the case (mushroom flavor was my personal after-school favorite). I'm not sure I was ready for the rich, authentic taste of the porkbone soup and probably could have gone with the light broth. In any case, the handmade noodles were de-licious. 

Rant

I have been blessed with self-awareness. I am smart enough to know that I'm retarded. Being fully aware that I am just another asshole with an opinion, I'm pretty sure I'm less retarded than these guys. Just sayin. Furthermore, if I want to read a real restaurant review I leave it to actual food critics, the people who get paid to eat their faces off and have legitimate writing skills. I approach a restaurant much like I approach a movie, trusting the opinion of person I respect verses the general consesus of Rotten Tomato. Therefore, Andrew Morrison (of Scout Magazine) is my Roger Ebert of the Vancouver food industry. I know that I'm being terribly hypocritical in badmouthing the food blogging world; and there are people out there with honest intentions and a passion for food, I just can't get past bad grammar and perpetual spelling mistakes. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU PREFER MILESTONES OVER CACTUS CLUB!!!

Kam's Place

Ordered in some group take-out while on nightshift and can finally cross Kam's Place off my list of Davie restaurants to conquer. Never To Return.

When you fill your gut with shit that looks like this, you inevitably feel like a big bag of barfy shit. I refuse to blame this feeling on my decision to forego sleep for lake-side party times.

Instead I am going to blame it on Red Dye #76 and Mee Goreng, which apparently is a Singaporean dish of spaghetti noodles with ketchup.

Ethnic Friends! - Dim Sum

Do you know what's exciting? I have Ethnic Friends! Yeah that's right, and sometimes I'm even a minority! This still blows my mind. So now that I have non-white friends I've decided to persuade them to bring me to their favorite eateries, you know, to expand my horizons.

Thus I begin with Dim Sum with Anni-doll.

Our Location: Dai Tung, with the traditional push-cart style.

Ma Lai Gow = Sponge Cake

Taro Balls

Sui Mai = Pork + Shrimp

Haw Gaw = Shrimp

Mango Pudding!

Cheng Fun = And the rice roll thingies make an appearance again.

I have no idea WTF these were, but like most of what we ate that day, it was in the desert catagory.

Meat & Bread

Coming soon to Victory Square. So Stoked.

Raincity Grill: Fish and Chips Bro!

Perfect way to spend the afternoon with the people you love most. Halibut fish and chips from Raincity Grill, sitting in the sunshine by the ocean. Finish it off with some Gelato and life can't get much better. 

Pork Belly Beer House!

Entirely unplanned, the theme of the week ended up being pork. First the spitroast pig, now the pork belly, my coronaries are thoroughly enjoying their fill of grease this summer.  

I have found my newest favorite neighborhood dive. Thankfully I randomly stumbled across a review of this place, otherwise I'd never have learned that the Pork Belly Beer House exists. This Korean BBQ joint at 814 Bidwell is tucked in between Robson and Haro. It has absolutely no storefront signage and I'm guessing a non-existant advertising budget. Even foot traffic would have no idea what they were walking into because this place is a greasy, messy little jewel, and that's why I love it.

So for ten bucks each you get a plate full of pork belly, or if you wanna go all out it's sixteen bucks for all you can eat. Then you split a bottle of soju and for relatively cheap you can get crackered while eatin' some cracklin'.

You carefully arrange the bacon and toppings on the grill.

Then you dick around with it, cut up the bacon with scissors, and try not to burn yourself as the soju kicks in.

Then you take all these toppings...

...and wrap them up with the crispy bacon in a lettuce sammich.